Here I am. Changing again.

illustration by Ashley Jihye

My greatest challenge when it comes to writing on Medium has been deciding on what tone or style of writing to use, punctuation, grammar etc. I obsess over these elements of writing that I end up not writing and I then do not write for months and months. I would write pages in my physical journal and more in my online journal. Even my personal Instagram page got some of my writing juice but with Medium, I run.

Maybe because of my perception of the platform (Thank you, tech bros) or because of the way articles here sound to me. Maybe both?

Correctness and perfection can be wildly exhausting and stifling. They are hard to keep up with and I cannot do it anymore.

I cannot do a lot of things anymore.

I am changing.

GIF by Johnny Kelley

I became tired of the old narrative of my life by November last year. You know that story you tell yourself about your life and life in general when you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed? Yeah, I was tired of mine.

I was sick of how my life story sounded when I told myself of it. It was true, that story, at some point but I have left that place. Holding on to it and the feelings that came with it only held me back on a chair of pain and anger and it kept me small so I had to let go.

I know that one day, this self that I am becoming, I will have to let go of too.

Are you changing too? Tell me about your change.

Today, I find myself in a place where I feel safe, confident and peaceful enough within to be more open, more visible (See! I even changed the profile picture) and more vocal.

Speaking of being more visible and vocal, have you seen my conversation with Funmi Iyanda on Public Eye about mental health?

Plus, last year, I was featured in quite a number of podcasts

So, rather than what I now consider a cold, unfeeling robotic style of writing fuelled greatly by a desire to sound “smart”, “organised” and “modern”, I will try to write with the aim of connecting with you. I will write honestly, a bit more personal and with more flexibility.

I will write as if I were talking to just you. Yeah, you who is reading this right now.

I will be sharing my personal and professional thoughts on and experience of being human — spiritual, mental, emotional. Maybe even throw in some questions, worries and things that infuriate me.

As much as I want to share, I want to listen to you too. That’s why I put those links in those words up there.

I’d love to hear what you have to say through your comments, emails, DMs on Twitter and Instagram. Talk to me.

Cheers to a lot more words.

Here is a fine tune to check out.

Amanda.

musings of a psychotherapist living and working in Lagos, Nigeria.

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