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Amanda Iheme
musings of a psychotherapist living and working in Lagos, Nigeria.
illustration by Ashley Jihye

My greatest challenge when it comes to writing on Medium has been deciding on what tone or style of writing to use, punctuation, grammar etc. I obsess over these elements of writing that I end up not writing and I then do not write for months and months. I would write pages in my physical journal and more in my online journal. Even my personal Instagram page got some of my writing juice but with Medium, I run.

Maybe because of my perception of the platform (Thank you, tech bros) or because of the way articles here sound to me…

From Getty Images

Does waking up at 5 am to sit at your desk to write make you a better writer? Angel Yinkore’s determination to write an article each day and her comment about learning to trust her own words in our private group chat left me inspired and motivated to discard my overthinking and bare my soul.

Writing on Medium remained hard even though I resolved to write more and be more honest with my words at the beginning of the year. I spent days, weeks, and months trying to understand why and a few days ago, while in a state of…

illustration by Olivia Waller

Many of us carry old wounds, shame and guilt because we find it hard to forgive ourselves or because we did not even know that the concept of self-forgiveness existed.

Self-forgiveness is the act of freeing oneself from one’s own poor decisions and hurtful mistakes through acknowledgement of these mistakes, apologising to oneself, accepting one’s apology and resolving to be better. It is letting go of the person you were and creating space for a new version of you to exist. …

illustration from The Writer

I think that the greatest lie we ever believed was that it was possible to exist as human beings without making mistakes. As a result, we spend a lot of our time beating ourselves up for our past blunders and trying to control our lives so that we are perfect. Perfect being without error.

We plan to go to the right school, get the right grade, get the right job, live in the right house, have the right friends, love the right partner, dress the right way, and raise the right kids. …

image by Valenty

Do you remember the feeling of wanting to run away from yourself because of the distress and discomfort you felt within? The feelings of sadness, anger or pain inside of you that you wished you could escape from or numb so that you no longer feel? You may even be experiencing it now.

Sit with it.

To sit with your feelings means to accept and tolerate them as they flow through you. It is not the easiest thing to do as the mind and body consistently work towards avoiding pain and discomfort.

Sit with it. Difficult? …

art by Symone

The process of learning to give more to yourself is a difficult and rewarding experience. It is a journey filled with lessons that will continue to fill you up as long as you keep on practising them. The difficult parts about embarking on this journey are knowing how to start and what to do at different points on the way so I have put together helpful tips which will be released weekly to guide you along the way and provide you with the knowledge that you need to feed your self.

The first place to start is self-awareness through introspection

art by Jefferey Alan Love

When you say what you want from the people around you and a deep sense of fear overcomes you and you find yourself worrying that you are being too harsh, too demanding, too needy or inconsiderate, it isn’t always because there is something wrong with your request or with you. It is the fear of not getting what you asked for and being exactly what you were worried about: harsh, needy, unworthy.

This fear is not always unhealthy. It causes you to take a step back to re-assess your desires and your approach when asking others to help you satisfy…

art by Soosh

What a short time we have to enjoy and know the self. For it won’t be too long till you are asked to redefine who you want to be or rethink who you are. This request may come from family, home, friendships, romantic relationships, a trip to the grocery store, an encounter with an old friend, work; from a place of lack or a place of abundance. Irrespective of where it comes from, we are never ourselves for too long. Our tastes change, the things we expect from ourselves and others change, our desires change, our motivations change. We change…

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A few weeks ago, a friend sought my help on how to set new goals for the new year. She did not want to set goals that were too high that would leave her disappointed in herself or too low that she finished the year feeling unfulfilled.

The conversation took me back to one that I had with myself December of last year where I told myself that I was going to spend the rest of the year remembering my childhood and confronting my childhood trauma so I offered her the simple lesson that I had learnt from that exercise…

image from

Difficult conversations are conversations that we struggle to have. They may range from a simple hello to a stranger at a dinner party or to telling a sibling that a parent has passed away; difficult and heavy they are but necessary.

They make us physically and emotionally uncomfortable because the thought of these subjects or their recipients inspires feelings of fear, shame, guilt, or anxiety. These feelings of dread do not always come from the subject of the conversation alone. They could be from be the certainty or uncertainty of how the other person might receive the message. We fear…

Amanda Iheme

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